TI-H: A day at the shrink's office for TI-H
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TI-H: A day at the shrink's office for TI-H
NOTICE TO ALL LIST SUBSCRIBERS:
I was driving home tonight and as I passed through a quiet,
dark, wooded area I saw a guy off in the distance that
looked kind of like he was hanged... Now, you see, I live
out here in Hickville where cops wearing black uniforms
make white folks nervous during the day and at night make
black folks nervous wearing white sheets, so of course
I suspected it was yet another hanging. But after I pulled
over and approached the mysterious figure, I saw it was
none other than ticalc.org's Bryan Rabeler. He was swinging
from the trees mumbing stuff about Power PCs, GrantOS,
and mp3 players, and on a nearby tree I saw, etched with
a pocket knife, over and over again, "ALL OFF TOPIC POSTS
ON TI-H MAKE BRYAN GO CRAZY" Before I knew it he glanced down
at me, and I saw true horror in those beedy, oily, torn eyes. He
jumped down from the tree, snarled at me a few times, and
as you can imagine I bolted back to my car and laid
some rubber. Never underestimate the power of a 16 horsepower
Toyota Corolla.
I don't know what happened to Bryan after that, but out of
fear that our common names will somehow make me share a similar
fate in the near future, I've scheduled a group therapy session
for the entire list, entitled "HOW TO KEEP YOUR PEERS ON TOPIC
WITH ELECTROSHOCK TREATMENT" A Cold Fusion reactor designed
by Sc.D Mel Tsai will power a 500,000 watt DC-DC converter that
Grant had some guy from Western Digital design for him. Every time
Grant mentions the word 'mp3', the 680,000F capacitors in the
DC-DC converter will dump all of that energy into Grant's frail
geeky body. Lest you think Mel should escape this chance to set his
online life back on track, we plan on strapping him into
a chair with his mp3 player and forcing him to listen to
spice_girls-wannabe.mp3 for every time he flamed Grant. Which,
counting the number of flames in the past two days, will have him
permanently stuck in Spice World until the known universe
collapses. There will also be an Expander 2 connected to the
special TI-92 calculator built into the ticalc.org server. Every
time an off-topic message goes through the list, it will activate
small Power PC-based RF electroshock implants inserted, when you
subscribed to TI-H, into you by a small needle underneath your
spacebar. This is not a joke. I would post source code to those
implants, only I seem to be missing one sixth of my Windows 95
CD-ROM, and can't get the rest of it to spin up without making one
heck of a rattle. But, uhh, trust me, it works.
I hope that this new system will encourage ***PZZZZZZZTTTTTT***
damn it mel, you fuc, I mean, uhh, friendly, nice guy, uhh,
will encourage new levels of cooperation and on-topicness
among all TI-H subscribers.
As for poor Bryan Rabeler, I send his family my condolances.
Maybe this new system will keep us all a little bit more sane...
If any of you have any questions, you can contact our resident
psychologist. His name is Christopher Kalos, and if you can
get past that whole foaming at the mouth thing, he is actually
a pretty nice guy. Besides, they're pretty sure that he isn't
contagious yet.
He will be passing out nice, harmless loaded 30 gauge sawed off
shotguns if the electroshock proves inefficient. In this fashion
we can safely express our minor conflicts with each other, all
the while re-emphasizing the common love of calculators that
formed our bond in the first place. Assuming, of course, that
we can get that AK-47 slug Grant fired into Mel's TI-85
removed.
Anyway, I hope TI-H can once again be the on-topic, serious
discussion forum that Bryan Rabeler always wanted.
****PZZZZZTTTTTT****
Owwww!!!
****PZZZZZTTTTTT****
Dam, Uhh, Dangit Grant, you are not supposed to activate the
electroshock manually!
--
Bryan Rittmeyer
mailto:bryanr@flash.net
http://www.flash.net/~bryanr/
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