Flap Happy
Posted by Ryan on 4 March 2014, 03:41 GMT

Allow me to pose a mental exercise: What is the sound of one bird flapping?

This riddle, which dates back thousands of years and is wholly accurate, was proposed by a ridiculously wise man -- some might say too wise. Others might say that he never said it at all. Nevertheless, the purpose of this deep and philosophical question is to prepare the fragile spirit for the brutality that a nefarious group of programmers have decided to spawn. Let's call them Flappers. Wait, that's already taken. Alright, then we'll call them Birdies... evil, evil Birdies.

As most people who surf the web know, Flappy Bird is a mobile game that has taken the world by storm -- a horrible, horrible flappy storm -- and has spawned more cheap imitations than a major cola brand. Known for its deceptively simple and addictively difficult premise, this is a game that even the developer feels should be avoided.

Still, these "Birdies", as we all implicitly agreed to use when talking about these developers, apparently feel that we're all a bit too productive and not suffering from enough allostatic load. I present to you, the hereto forewarned reader, the dark and tumultuous zeitgeist of the calculator community:

• For the 83/84+ owners, you can get your glucocorticoids pumping with ClrDraw's fast and super tricky Flappy Bird


• After you've sufficiently ruined your up arrow key, try turning your calc sideways and ruining your 2nd key with Seppe Bruyland's Flappy Bird Sideways


• Oh, don't worry, TI-Nspire owners, you're included in the insanity thanks to the evil work at LD Studios. That's right, it's Flappy Bird in Lua


• Christopher "Kerm Martian" Mitchell, you drizzler! Not even the 84+ CSE is safe, thanks to Flappy Bird Color


• If that wasn't enough, Kerm intends to strike thee to his foot and spurn upon thee with Flippy Bard. The most infectious pestilence upon thee!

Well folks, there you have it. It's not quite what Hitchcock or du Maurier foresaw, but it's still awfully flappy.

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