ticalc.org
Basics Archives Community Services Programming
Hardware Help About Search Your Account
   Home :: Archives :: News :: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org

2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Posted by Michael on 15 January 2006, 01:42 GMT

Jason and I were spending our Friday night on IRC when we spontaneously realized how difficult it is to successfully submit a program to ticalc.org. We resolved that we ought to use our file archiving experiences to write a guide on how to successfully submit your programs to ticalc.org. Writing one suggestion per minute on average while in a state of extreme memory recollection, we took an hour out of our time to compile a list of 64 rules that absolutely ensure 100% guaranteed acceptance term life insurance...err acceptance of all of your files.

  1. Assume that your users are all psychic and do not require a readme or any instructions whatsoever. After all, we are already familiar with your program.
  2. Make sure you infringe upon trademark law and put "WINDOWS XP" in your title. This is also a good way to get downloads from people who think that Windows XP will somehow run on a calculator.
  3. Assume your program is the l33test program of all existence, and deserves to have titles in all caps and filenames that start with a 1 so it appears at the top of the default sort order.
  4. Pick your favorite TI-OS function and duplicate it in BASIC. Users love nothing more than seeing the same old boring functions reprogrammed to be both slower and use up memory!
  5. Assume that all people have T1 lines, and include huge, multi-megabyte manuals in your zip for your 2KB program.
  6. People always forget the quadratic formula. They also like to make sure that they calculate it correctly. For this reason, there must be at least 1,000 quadratic solver programs in our archives.
  7. People are much more likely to download your program if you have a software "company." Adding a name such as "Boring H4x0r Productions Inc" will triple your downloads; after all, it's a household name people trust.
  8. If your program is boring and doesn't adhere to any of these guidelines, then simply state as such in the description. For example, "Don't download this file." Your friendly and helpful file archiver will help you out and make sure your file is never downloaded.
  9. Make sure you upload all of your TI-83+ files into the TI-83 folder: TI-83 Plus users love having to hunt through thousands of TI-83 files to find the ones that will actually run on their calculator!
  10. Everyone knows your obscure dialect of Portuguese that is spoken only in one remote village in the mountains of Peru, so it's perfectly fine to upload files that have descriptions and titles that are written entirely in languages other than English!
  11. And also, most people can't speak English very well either. Therefore, feel free to abhor all English rules. Keep in mind that commas and punctuation are just for effect. Feel free to throw them in all over your description. It doesn't matter: people will download more if you have more symbols!
  12. Program filenames are like corporate bonds: The earlier in the alphabet and the more letters they have, the better it makes your program! Names such aaaaaaaa.zip will get you right at the top of the download list!
  13. Realize that people searching for files like adventure. Make sure every file you upload has a unique version number on it, resulting in hundreds of different versions of your file in the same directory. Your users will love the challenge of finding the latest one! You can take this one step further by constantly varying your version number scheme!
  14. Some people don't have any calculator software on their computer, so it's a great idea to submit your file in text format instead of .8xp or other appropriate format! This is best done by copying the text directly and leaving little ü's where the STO arrows used to be.
  15. You can compress your zip files even more by adding another .zip extension to them. For example, renaming quadratic.zip to quadratic.zip.zip cuts down on size tremendously.
  16. Picture files aren't any good because they require 768 bytes each! So, instead make sure you put five hundred Pt-On() lines in your program to draw graphics.
  17. If your program doesn't have enough features, make some up and list them in the description! All you have to do is put "in the next version" by them in the readme.
  18. There aren't very many instructions on the File Upload page. Feel free to ignore them. It makes the file archiver's job extra exciting when you violate all of them in one submission!
  19. People are more likely to download a program if they really understand it. Five paragraph essays in your file description are a great way to introduce your program. Just make sure you keep all the information on how to actually use the program out: that's for the readme!
  20. You're a person who never makes mistakes and who can write software for many different calculators without ever owning or testing your programs on those calculators. Feel free to upload ports of your program to every calculator model and note in the readme that "it should work."
  21. If you're addicted to submitting files and need to stop your addiction, it's easy! Just choose some special four-lettered words and direct them at your favorite file archiver! Instant ban!
  22. If you can't think of any programs to write, just take some public domain literature and make it into an ebook. Then release for every calculator.
  23. If all the public domain literature is already uploaded, feel free to take the text of the latest Harry Potter book and upload that. International copyright laws don't apply to Sweden.
  24. Feel free to copy your file description to the file archiver comments box when submitting a file. Therefore your file will be twice as clear to the file archiver, and will be processed twice as quickly!
  25. It's okay to upload programs that have nothing to do with calculators in the Windows directory. ticalc.org is here to serve as a repository for your l33t Visual C++ skills.
  26. Although Visual C++ programs are just cool, true type fonts are even cooler!
  27. If your file gets rejected with a notice because it was written in some obscure foreign language, you should confront the file archiver in an e-mail in that same language. After all, ticalc.org staff members are well versed in every language in the world.
  28. Streaming pay per view movies or cable channels with a TV tuner card over your 802.11b wireless network lets you get around the "Don't use language you wouldn't hear on network television" rule for your programs.
  29. Feel free, when updating a file, to upload the screenshots that are already on your file info page. You then let the screenshotter do their duty of deleting the new versions so you don't have duplicates. You wouldn't want them to have nothing to do, would you?
  30. However, if you do have new screenshots, feel free to blow them up so big they won't even fit on a 800x600 resolution monitor. Nobody should be using a resolution that small anyways.
  31. When the file upload form says "screenshots are approved separately from the file, so they may appear on our site a short while later than the file itself", we are really lying to you. We process all screenshots instantly and so if yours doesn't immediately appear, you can assume that the entire staff has a vendetta specifically against you.
  32. If the screenshots for your file don't immediately appear, try uploading your file again and again. The more often you upload, the better chance you have of those instant screenshots.
  33. If your program is really important, feel free to upload it a second time by simply changing the filename. We won't notice.
  34. If your program is really, really, important, upload it under two filenames for every calculator model it runs on, and then upload untested ports for the others.
  35. Starting your filename with 0000000 is an excellent idea. File archivers have the innate ability to understand what your file really is.
  36. When your life's accomplishments are judged, your fate will rest solely upon the number of files you uploaded to ticalc.org. Make sure you submit as many as possible.
  37. If your program gets rejected, keep trying. If you upload it thirty times, it might get approved on the last try.
  38. And don't forget that BASIC animation and picture directories don't count towards statistics. So, therefore, we don't care how many you upload...feel free to double the number of animation files you have every week!
  39. If you want your animations to get download stats anyway, feel free to upload them in the game directory and we will have no problem with that.
  40. When uploading files, don't forget to upload them twice with one minor difference between them. File archivers love having to guess which one is the right one.
  41. The NSA uses only TI-BASIC for their highest level of encryption, so make sure you clearly label those BASIC encryption programs as "UNBREAKABLE."
  42. Since your BASIC program is obviously as cool and fast and powerful as an assembly one, nobody (not even the file archivers) will notice that it's really a BASIC program. Therefore, upload it into the assembly directories.
  43. If your program isn't quite as cool and powerful as an assembly one, you can make it so by adding a colon to the first line so it runs in MirageOS. Feel free to then upload it into the MirageOS ASM sections!
  44. Another strategy for submitting BASIC programs into the ASM section is to include various ASM libraries that lets your program replicate built in functionalty of the TI-OS memory manager!
  45. The fact that your program does only "Hello World" is overshadowed by the fact that it's in assembly! Upload this amazing achievement right away!
  46. Everyone prefers BASIC shells over assembly because they are larger and require you to manually edit a program and enter the BASIC programs you want to list in the shell. Write a few of these shells and upload them so people have choice. Don't be afraid to upload multiple versions of the same shell too!
  47. Don't forget that the file archiver e-mail is a great place to ask questions about why your calculator doesn't work!
  48. Even with the latest advances in technology, your BASIC clock program is far more accurate than any wristwatch or atomic clock (and obviously the built-in clocks on the newer calculators).
  49. Remember that BASIC password protection programs are automatically impervious to being stopped by pressing the ON key!
  50. If your program is in peril of being rejected, make sure you put "Please don't reject my file" in the description. This will change our minds.
  51. And if we were to accidentally reject your file after your pleas that we suggested in the previous tip, submitting again and insulting us will definitely change our minds.
  52. If you can't come up with any good programs, Texas Instruments just loves it when you take the demo versions of their apps and package them in a "fun pack" under your own name.
  53. The TI-83 Plus manual is one of the rarest pieces of literature in history. To make sure it's accessible to everyone, take the PDFs from all 20 languages and submit them in a massive zip file.
  54. Remember that simply including program documentation in your zip file is not enough. Upload them to our text/ directory as well!
  55. To make sure you get your 2 KB zip file six bytes smaller, make sure you select the proprietary maximum compression option in your zipping utility. It doesn't matter that nobody will be able to open your file (not even the file archivers) since they don't have your zip program.
  56. Always assume that the file archivers are sitting right in front of their computers ready to process your file. If they don't process it in 5 minutes, contact them via instant messenger!
  57. Remember that the bigger your file is, the cooler you are. Therefore, remember to include your screenshots inside your zip, in BMP format.
  58. If you use a Mac, remember to save any files you edit in the .tiprogram format. That way, all Windows users will wish they had a Mac as they won't be able to send your file to their calculator!
  59. Remember, viruses don't exist and we can trust EXEs from strangers to be safe. Therefore, feel free to include your manual in Windows executable format along with your program.
  60. People have difficulty using their multiplication key. After all, multiplication is a very difficult concept. Therefore, don't forget to upload a program that lets people find the area of a rectangle given the width and the height!
  61. Remember that file archivers may rename your file if you upload a file that has the same name as another file already in the archives. When updating your program, don't forget to use the original filename so the filearchiver gets to figure out which file is yours!
  62. Remember that regular guessing games are boring. Make sure yours has multiple levels and an AI!
  63. Don't forget that a file archiver's opinion is never final. If ever you disagree with them, feel free to insult them to help sway their opinion.
  64. We have an extensive ticalc.org FAQ section about submitting files. You really don't need to read it. Everything in it is common sense, anyways.
  Reply to this article


The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.


Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Jason Malinowski  Account Info
(Web Page)

I want to stress something: Michael and I didn't make up any of these. Every single one of these "tips" have been tried when submitting a file to ticalc.org. So please observe the little red border and keep this article in mind next time you submit a file. Please.

This concludes this public service announcement brought to you by ticalc.org.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 01:46 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
nexon  Account Info

I never knew people would try such things like that :S

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 01:51 GMT


Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
slimey_limey  Account Info
(Web Page)

> remember to include your screenshots inside your zip, in BMP format

Wouldn't XPM (ASCII image format) be better? O'Reilly's "Definitive Guide to CSS" states that most-to-all mainstream web browsers actually support it. I've not tested this, though. :P

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 05:27 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
KermMartian  Account Info
(Web Page)

How about RAW? That's even better!
And yes, most browsers do *kinda* support XPMs.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 13:03 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Brian Gordon  Account Info

Why compress the files at all when you can just link them into one file and set the type to zip?

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 19:25 GMT


2^5+2^4+2^3+2^2+2^1+2^0 = (2^6)-1
slimey_limey  Account Info
(Web Page)

You mean a zip file with compression disabled? Or a tar file?

Better: a polyglot C program which, when compiled, assembles the code with the preprocessor; then you run it and it invokes tilp to send the program to the calculator.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 22:27 GMT


Re: 2^5+2^4+2^3+2^2+2^1+2^0 = (2^6)-1
The_Mega_ZZTer  Account Info
(Web Page)

No he means:

copy file1.ext + file2.ext + file3.ext file4.ext file.zip

Which of course is very very hard to recover, especially if the files are binary and not text. :)

Reply to this comment    16 January 2006, 23:01 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Benjamin Moody  Account Info

Of course not! The XPM format makes a definite effort to be compact, within the confines of valid C syntax and the restriction that it be human-editable. Try plain PNM.

Reply to this comment    18 January 2006, 23:57 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
jesse frey  Account Info

I am not too suprized that they are real. it sounds like it is the result of anoyed sarcastic file archivers.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 02:10 GMT


Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
nexon  Account Info

Yes It is quite noticable that the archivers are getting annoyed.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 02:13 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Shimrra Account Info

As are some programmers. I can't believe that people could be so massively ignorant to do such things.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 04:32 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Timmc Account Info
(Web Page)

Do YOU remember the quadratic thingy? And besides, MINI SNAKE is l33t h4x0rs 411 XP

oooh

Another: Submit screenshots in .psd format set to RGB mode with 1000 dpi! or BMP!!!

And another: If you want to be cooler, download an ASCII converter and convert a screenshot of your program to a HTML format and include that in your archive! :D This way people can see it like pixels, only... er, numbers and letters and yay!

Reply to this comment    16 January 2006, 14:52 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
KermMartian  Account Info
(Web Page)

HAHAHA! Seriously ROFLLMAO. Some other guys and I got so fed up with this, we started the BASIC Elite. Interestingly, we're working on a n00b etiquite guide quite similar (though not as humorous or original) to this.
http://www.cemetech.net/ projects/basicelite

Best fake news in a while.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 04:36 GMT


Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Morgan Davies  Account Info
(Web Page)

**Real News

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 09:04 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
KermMartian  Account Info
(Web Page)

OK, best real fake news then. :)

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 13:01 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Camilo  Account Info

I can't believe it. Most of them are really stupid.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 05:42 GMT

Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
TEKinP.A.  Account Info

I have to say, THANK YOU for the shut out on the HUGE animated pictures!!!! I have dial up because we can't afford cable (which is in fact, at least 2x faster than a T1, FYI), and that is the only form of high speed internet out here where I live (besides satalite, also way too expensive and slow), so... Thanks again.

(I'm estatic.) (Sarcastically.)

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 19:31 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

Same here - I hate it when I have to wait a while to download a 2 MB file, and the program itself is <10 KB.

Reply to this comment    17 January 2006, 18:48 GMT


Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
fizzy711  Account Info

yeah I agree. I had dial-up too, and it was soooo slow!
But now I have DSL so its sorta ok, but it's still too slow for me.

Reply to this comment    27 January 2006, 05:48 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Jason Malinowski  Account Info
(Web Page)

For example: right now I have a file that took #9, #11, #34 and #57 a little too seriously.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2006, 22:10 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

One of the greatest fake news articles so far - I was laughing out loud by the time I was halfway through. Yeah, I could tell after reading the first few "tips" that you guys were REALLY annoyed. I don't blame you either, I've seen a lot of this stuff happen.

Reply to this comment    17 January 2006, 18:45 GMT

Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
george linkington  Account Info
(Web Page)

Another one could be to take a alredy submited program and then change some things and submit it as you own.

Reply to this comment    18 January 2006, 20:16 GMT


Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
aznskinnyman153  Account Info

people don't speak portuguese in peru.

Reply to this comment    20 January 2006, 05:59 GMT


Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
something1990 Account Info

Have you ever been to Peru? If not then you can't either prove or disprove that statement.

Reply to this comment    21 January 2006, 20:27 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Denial  Account Info

Wikipedia and the CIA World Factbook, in addition to hundreds of thousands of other websites, support him.

Reply to this comment    21 January 2006, 21:12 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Ranman  Account Info

If at least one person speaks it, then it is a true statement.

Reply to this comment    22 January 2006, 02:19 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Denial  Account Info

No. In order to be a "dialect" at all, much less an "obscure" one, it must be spoken by a region or social group. One person by himself does not constitute such a class of people. Further, the present tense is used to describe the dialect being spoken, meaning that it is still spoken _as a dialect_ today.

One person speaking their own pidgin Portuguese does not constitute an "obscure dialect of Portuguese that is spoken only in one remote village in the mountains of Peru".

Reply to this comment    22 January 2006, 02:59 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Ranman  Account Info

I was simply responding to the statement, "people don't speak portuguese in peru." If there exists one person that speaks Portuguese in Peru, then this statement is false. I seriously doubt if the CIA or Wikipedia can verify that everyone in Peru is unable speak Portugeuse. Hence, I was agreeing with the statement, "... you can't either prove or disprove that statement."

Hmmmm... so if a group of 1000 people speak a dialect of some language in a village. And, hypothetically, 999 died instantly tomorrow. Then, at that same instant, the last remaining person from the group no longer speaks that dialect simply because he on one person. I don't believe that.

It only takes one example to prove the infamous "all" or "never" or "always" questions are false.

Reply to this comment    22 January 2006, 05:01 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
something1990 Account Info

Well it is an obscure village... Maybe the intelligence the CIA got about Peru wasn't all true. It wouldn't be the first time their intelligence is misleading.

Reply to this comment    22 January 2006, 22:22 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
calcvids Account Info
(Web Page)

This is all a little off-topic...

Reply to this comment    27 April 2009, 23:27 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: 2^6 Ways to Get Your Files Accepted to ticalc.org
Raistlin89 Account Info

No, he used PEOPLE don't speak portegese in Peru so at least 2 people would have to speak it.

Reply to this comment    15 February 2006, 23:15 GMT

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  

You can change the number of comments per page in Account Preferences.

  Copyright © 1996-2011, the ticalc.org project. All rights reserved. | Contact Us | Disclaimer