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Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Posted by Michael on 13 January 2005, 03:16 GMT

Jonathan Katz has always been something of an enigma. He appeared from nowhere to apply for the job of ticalc.org reviews and surveys editor, almost as if he were an infiltrator planted by aliens or a hostile foreign government. Some people then pointed out that he had the same name as the infamous slashdot editor. Yet these rumors proved to be false as Jon is an entirely different person, albeit a dark and mysterious one. His ticalc.org staff photo has always said "Photo unavailable."

Those days of shrouded secrets and Jon's habit of wearing cowboy hats with camera-foiling auto-tracking laser pointers are finally over, as we have now a glimpse into the soul of this introverted and highly disturbed man. Look no further than his newly updated staff page to get your glimpse at the true life of Jon Katz. We see the sunglasses, the hat, and the flailing arms that lead us to the conclusion that Jonathan Katz is not the single-faceted simplistic ticalc.org staff drone previously believed: He is in fact a white suburban rapper who delicately combines words from program reviews and ticalc.org surveys into complicated rap songs involving, among other subjects, triple integration. Jon authors such masterpieces as "Play Megaman 86; it's cool, yo!" and "I was down in the hood with all my bad boys, my beautiful electric nerdy fancy toys."

Now that his true personal life has been exposed for all the world to see, Jon can no longer hide. When pressed by reporters to answer whether he had outfitted his 89 with 19" chrome LCD rims, he refused to answer as he piled into a darkly-tinted Cadillac with members of his entourage. Encouragingly enough, this revelation is not expected to affect Jon's ticalc.org performance in any way. But don't be surprised if future newsletters suddenly start mentioning "bling bling" - it's just Jon finally lifting his facade.

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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.


Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Andy Janata  Account Info
(Web Page)

Wheee, been a while since we've had fake news. :)

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 03:22 GMT

Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Patrick Prendergast  Account Info

This place really IS short on news :S

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 10:08 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
no_one_2000_  Account Info
(Web Page)

Heh, that was interesting. ;) Good thing we finally have a... "gangsta" picture of Jonathan. And I remember the whole deal with "PLAY MEGAMAN 86! ITS COOL, YO." That was a long time ago. But I still think it was Cullen Sauls advertising his game... j/k :-D

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 21:26 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Marty McNeal Account Info

Yes, the news has been sparce, and the reviews are still only updated upto Dec. 20, no offence. I sent a review for I.D. in on the 22 for an Adv. Comp. assignment and my teacher says he needs to see proof that I sent it in TOMORROW! If someone on staff can help me, please do. :'(

How much imput did Jonathan have on this news? Did he even know what it was going to say? (though I bet he loves it)

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 22:01 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Marty McNeal Account Info

Speak of the devil. };)> Nice work helping me out there Jonathan.

To everyone else; ignore the above plea for help. It's been resolved nicely.

Reply to this comment    14 January 2005, 04:19 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Jonathan Katz  Account Info
(Web Page)

I was a victim of the news, and you're welcome. The reviews were a little backlogged due to some things that got in the way of me processing them (Including travel), but now the backlog is smaller. There's ~40 reviews in queue now, and I plan to shrink that number even more over the next few days before I go up to school :)

Reply to this comment    14 January 2005, 04:59 GMT


Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
LightningXShadow  Account Info

I know...finally fake news again...good work jon!

Reply to this comment    20 January 2005, 14:43 GMT

Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
RJ Larimore  Account Info
(Web Page)

what an amazing story

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 03:35 GMT

Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
JcN  Account Info
(Web Page)

Uhhhh....yeah. That was a little too much information ;)

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 03:44 GMT

Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
hrinthor  Account Info

Well I have always felt an engimatic veil surrounded this important person at ticalc.org, and today a small piece of that curtain has been lifted and we get a privileged peek at the life of such a mystery. I speak on the behalf of the entire tocalc community to say we are very honored of this privilege. It's a nice picture.

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 03:46 GMT


Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
calkfreak83  Account Info
(Web Page)

I'm sure the tocalc community would be gracious of your outspeaking for them, but what does this have to do with the ticalc community?

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 04:53 GMT

[ ! ]
anykey  Account Info
(Web Page)

My eyes hurt. %^(

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 03:50 GMT


[ ! ]
anykey  Account Info
(Web Page)

BTW, how do 'auto-tracking, camera-foiling laser pointers work? Is that pictur really him? Did he just google 'white-boy rapper'? IS HE A SPY?

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 03:55 GMT


Re: [ ! ]
calkfreak83  Account Info
(Web Page)

I was thinking the same thing... Maybe it is him, but he knows we will all think that it's not, so he will still partially keep his identity hidden while being already exposed but rejected because of his past sense of elusiveness...

(If that made sense, something is very wrong with you...)

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 04:55 GMT

[ ! ]
anykey  Account Info
(Web Page)

Thanks. Now my head hurts. @%^(

Reply to this comment    14 January 2005, 00:09 GMT


Re: Re: [ ! ]
burntfuse  Account Info

I was able to work that out after a few tries...

Reply to this comment    15 January 2005, 16:03 GMT

[ ! ]
anykey  Account Info
(Web Page)

...something's wrong with him. ;^)

Reply to this comment    15 January 2005, 18:27 GMT


Re: [ ! ]
burntfuse  Account Info

I knew that already. :-D

Reply to this comment    15 January 2005, 23:11 GMT


Re: Re: Re: [ ! ]
TrumpetMan258  Account Info
(Web Page)

Oddly, that made sense to me too.

Reply to this comment    16 January 2005, 02:25 GMT

Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Barrett Anderson Account Info
(Web Page)

probably not such a good idea to flash the W... where i'm from that'll likely get you shot.

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 04:23 GMT

Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Joey Gannon  Account Info
(Web Page)

Fortunately for Jon, it's still not yet possible to kill people over the Internet. Also, most parts of the country are not LA... up in Boston, nobody cares. The only thing that would get him shot is if he wears that Yankees hat of his. :-p

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 04:32 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Morgan Davies  Account Info
(Web Page)

Yet, he did wear that hat, even during the postseason...my gosh he is fearless!

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 05:24 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
George Limpert  Account Info

That's certainly preferred to wearing the hat of a team that can't win more than once in 86 years. I saw way too many people wearing such hats. :D

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 05:54 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
George Limpert  Account Info

Since when does having good taste in baseball teams qualify one to be murdered?

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 05:50 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Joey Gannon  Account Info
(Web Page)

It doesn't. That's why he would be safe with a BoSox hat. On the other hand, being an overdog lover in a rival town does come with a few inheirant safety risks.

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 05:54 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
George Limpert  Account Info

Well, of course wearing a Red Sox hat won't get him murdered. They have a habit of rolling over in the playoffs, especially when playing the Yankees. Last year was the exception to the rule, of course. Wearing a Red Sox hat is pretty much equivalent to flying a white flag. There's be no need to murder someone who's surrendering. :)

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 06:04 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Joey Gannon  Account Info
(Web Page)

^^ Click

Maybe Steinbrenner needs to keep this gesture in mind, so NY fans can be warned not to get their hopes up long before Game 4 of the ALCS.

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 06:09 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Jonathan Katz  Account Info
(Web Page)

Right, which is why I wear my Jets hat, because no matter what, we're always the underdog.

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 07:06 GMT


Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Jonathan Katz  Account Info
(Web Page)

Added to the fact I'm from the East Coast.

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 05:09 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Jonathan Katz Publishes Photo of Self
Morgan Davies  Account Info
(Web Page)

So you decided not to go with the tree one eh? :-)

Reply to this comment    13 January 2005, 05:36 GMT

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