Re: TIB: : Fwd: Computer Geek "humor" for you <g>...


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Re: TIB: : Fwd: Computer Geek "humor" for you <g>...




Okay.  Here is my last posting of jokes.  For anyone who wants jokes,
please subscribe to the list...

===============================================================
Life is dour enough, brighten it up with the daily funny :)

Subscribe to the funny by sending email to:
    orthlund@mail.on.rogers.wave.ca
with the text "please put me on the list" in the subject field
(I know, I know, not too original, but polite :P )
==============================================================

A priest and a nun were lost in a snowstorm. After a while,
they came upon a small cabin. Being exhausted, they prepared to go to
sleep.

There was a stack of blankets and a sleeping bag on the floor
but only one bed. Being a gentleman, the priest said, "Sister, you
sleep on the bed.  I'll sleep on the floor in the sleeping bag."

Just as he got zipped up in the bag and was beginning to fall
asleep, the nun said "Father, I'm cold."  He unzipped the sleeping
bag, got up, got the blanket and put it on her.

Once again, he got into the sleeping bag, zipped it up and
started to drift off to sleep when the nun once again said, "Father,
I'm still very cold."

He unzipped the bag,  got up again, put another blanket on
her and got into the sleeping bag once again.

Just as his eyes closed, she said, "Father, I'm sooooo cold."

This time, he remained there and said, "Sister, I have an idea.
We're out here in the wilderness where no one will ever know what
happened.  Let's pretend we're married."

The nun said, "That's fine by me."

To which the priest yelled out, "Get up and get your own stupid
blanket!"



A very wealthy lawyer retreated for several weeks each year to his
summer home in the backwoods of Maine. Every summer, he would invite
one friend or another to stay with him there for a week or two.

One summer he invited a Czechoslovakian friend to visit him. The
friend, happy to get anything free from a lawyer, eagerly agreed. When
the time came, they spent a wonderful time, getting up early every
morning and enjoying the great outdoors. One morning, as the lawyer
and his Czechoslovakian friend were picking raspberries and
blueberries for their breakfast, they were approached by two huge
bears--a male and a female. The lawyer noticed them in time to run for
cover.

His friend, however, was not so lucky. The male bear reached him and
swallowed him whole. Seeing this, the lawyer ran back to his Mercedes
and raced for the nearest town to get the local sheriff.

The sheriff grabbed his high-powered rifle and raced back to the berry
area with the lawyer. All the while, he was plagued by visions of
lawsuit from his friend's family. He just had to save his friend.
Luckily, the bears were still there.

"He's in THAT one!" cried the lawyer, pointing to the male.

The sheriff looked at the bears, leveled his gun, took careful aim,
and shot the female.

"What did you do that for?!" exclaimed the lawyer, "I said he was in
the other bear!"

"Exactly," replied the sheriff. "Would YOU believe a lawyer who told
you that the Czech was in the male?"

"Who in their right mind would ever need more than 640k of ram!?" --
Bill Gates, 1981

"Any serious graphics applications still run better on Apple's
Macintosh platform..."
-- Bill Gates, 1991

"Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons."
--Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949

"I think there is a world market for maybe five computers."
--Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943

"I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked
with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a
fad that won't last out the year." --The editor in charge of business
books for Prentice Hall, 1957

"But what ... is it good for?"
--Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968,
commenting on the microchip.

"There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home."
--Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment
Corp.,1977

"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered
as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to
us."  --Western Union internal memo, 1876.

"The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would
pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?"
--David Sarnoff's associates in response to his urgings for
investment in the radio in the 1920s.

"Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?"
--H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.

"I'm just glad it'll be Clark Gable who's falling on his face and not
Gary Cooper." --Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading
role in "Gone  With The Wind."

"A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports
say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you
make." --Response to Debbi Fields' idea of starting Mrs. Fields'
Cookies.

"We don't like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out."
--Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.

"Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible."
--Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.

"If I had thought about it, I wouldn't have done the experiment. The
literature was full of examples that said you can't do this."
--Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for
  3M "Post-It" Notepads.

"So we went to Atari and said, 'Hey, we've got this amazing thing,
even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about
funding us? Or we'll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our
salary, we'll  come work for you.' And they said, 'No.' So then we
went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, 'Hey, we don't need you. You
haven't got through college yet.'" --Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve
Jobs on attempts to get Atari   and HP interested in his and Steve
Wozniak's personal computer.

"Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and
reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against
which to react.  He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily
in high schools." --1921 New York Times editorial about Robert
Goddard's revolutionary  rocket work. Yes, the Goddard after whom
the space center is named.

"You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all
of your muscles? It can't be done. It's just a fact of life. You just
have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable
condition of weight training." --Response to Arthur Jones, who solved
the "unsolvable" problem by inventing Nautilus.

"Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil?
You're crazy." --Well drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to
his project to drill for oil in 1859.

"Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau."
--Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.

"Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value."
--Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de
  Guerre.

"Everything that can be invented has been invented."
--Charles H. Duell, Commissioner, U.S. Office of Patents, 1899.

"Louis Pasteur's theory of germs is ridiculous fiction".
--Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872

"The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the
intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon". --Sir John Eric Ericksen,
British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria
1873.