A86: Gates and GM

To: TNCalc@reninet.com
Subject: A86: Gates and GM
From: Chicane <chicane@reninet.com>
Date: Tue, 01 Sep 1998 21:28:56 -0700
Cc: assembly-86@lists.ticalc.org
Delivered-To: assembly-86-outgoing@towerguard.unix.edu.sollentuna.se
Reply-To: assembly-86@lists.ticalc.org


At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill
Gates reportedly compared the computer
industry with the auto industry and
stated: "If GM had kept up with
technology like the computer industry has,
we would all be driving twenty-five dollar
cars that got 1000 miles to the gallon."

In response to Bill's comments, General
Motors issued a press release stating: If
GM had developed technology like
Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with
the following characteristics:
1. For no reason whatsoever, your car
would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines on
the road you would have to buy a new
car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the
freeway for no reason, and you would just
accept this, restart and drive on.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver
such as a left turn, would cause your car
to shut down and refuse to restart, in
which case you would have to reinstall the
engine.

5. Only one person at a time could use the
car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT."
But then you would have to buy more
seats.

6. Macintosh would make a car that was
powered by the sun, reliable, five times as
fast, and twice as easy to drive, but
would only run on five per cent of the
roads.

7. The oil, water temperature and
alternator warning lights would be replaced
by a single "general car default" warning
light.

8. New seats would force everyone to
have the same size butt.

9. The airbag system would say "Are you
sure?" before going off.

10. Occasionally for no reason
whatsoever, your car would lock you out
and refuse to let you in until you
simultaneously lifted the door handle,
turned the key, and grab hold of the radio
antenna.

11. GM would require all car buyers to also
purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally
Road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even
though they neither need them nor want
them. Attempting to delete this option
would immediately cause the car's
performance to diminish by 50% or more.
Moreover, GM would become a target for
investigation by the Justice Department.

12. Everytime GM introduced a new model
car buyers would have to learn how to
drive all over again because none of the
controls would operate in the same manner
as the old car.

13. You'd press the "start" button to shut
off the engine.

CHICANE
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