TIB: Here are some for you (fwd)

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TIB: Here are some for you (fwd)


>Subject: Here are some for you (fwd)
>Mime-Version: 1.0
>
>
>> Subject: Religious Humor
>>>
>>> Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed,
>"The Gate of Heaven." Below that was a small cardboard sign which read,
>"Please use other entrance."
>>>
>>> Rev. Warren JO. Keating, Pastor of the First Presbyterian Church of
>Yuma, AZ, says that the best prayer he ever heard was, "Lord, please
>make
>me the kind of person my dog thinks I am."
>>>
>>> A woman went to the post office to buy stamps for her Christmas cards.
>"What denomination?" asked the postal clerk. "Oh, good heavens! Has it
>come
>to this?" said the woman. "Well, give me 50 Baptist and 50 Catholic
>ones."
>>>
>>> A student was asked to list the 10 Commandments in any order. His
>answer: 3, 6, 1, 8, 4, 5, 9, 2, 10, 7.
>>>
>>> I was at the beach with my children when my four-year-old son ran up to
>me, grabbed my hand, and led me to the shore, where a sea gull lay dead
>in
>the sand. "Mommy, what happened to him?" my son asked. "He died and went
>to
>heaven," I replied. My son thought a moment and then said, "And God
>threw him back down?"
>>>
>>> After the church service a little boy told the pastor, "When I grow up,
>I'm going to give you some money." "Well, thank you," the pastor
>replied,
>"but why?" "Because my daddy says you're one of the poorest preachers
>we've
>ever had."
>>>
>>> "My wife invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to our
>six year old daughter and said, "Would you like to say the blessing?"
>"I
>wouldn't know what to say," the girl replied. "Just say what you hear
>Mommy
>say," my wife answered. Our daughter bowed her head and said,
>"Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?"
>
>
>
>"A man who wants to lead the orchestra must turn his back
>on the crowd." - Max Lucado
>_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/_/
>
>and
>
>How dumb are you??   Take this quiz, if you dare, and see!!  Most
>> >>answers are
>> >>>numeric...  Answers and Scoring are at the bottom of the page.
>> >>>
>> >>>1.   Do they have a 4th of July in England?
>> >>>2.   How many birthdays does the average man have?
>> >>>3.  Some months have 31 days, how many have 28?
>> >>>4.  How many outs are there in an inning?
>> >>>5.  Is it legal for a man in California to marry his widows sister?
>
>> >>>6.  Divide 30 by 1/2 and add 10.  What's the answer?
>> >>>7.  If there are 3 apples and you take away 2, how many do you
>have?
>> >>>8.  A doctor gives you 3 pills, telling you to take one every half
>> >>hour.  How
>> >>>many minutes would the pills last?
>> >>>9.  A farmer has 17 sheep, and all but 9 die.  How many are left?
>> >>>10. How many animals of each sex did Moses take on the ark?
>> >>>11.  A clerk in the butcher shop is 5' 10" tall.  What does he
>weigh?
>> >>>12.  How many two cent stamps are there in a dozen?
>> >>>
>> >>>Scroll down for the answers and scores
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>> >>>~
>Answers:
>> >>>1.  yes - every place has a 4th of July
>> >>>2.  1 - Can only be born once in a lifetime
>> >>>3.  12 - all months have 28 days
>> >>>4.  6 - 3 per side
>> >>>5.  no - because he is dead
>> >>>6.  70
>> >>>7.  2 - you took them remember?
>> >>>8.  60 - start with the 1st pill, 30 min. later take the second,
>then
>> >>30 min.
>> >>>later for the 3rd.  The effects of the pills will last for 90 min.
>but
>> >>in 60
>> >>>min. the pills are gone.
>> >>>9.  9 - can't keep the dead ones
>> >>>10. 0 - Moses didn't have an ark.
>> >>>11. meat
>> >>>12. 12
>> >>>
>> >>>SCORING:
>> >>>
>> >>>Correct Answers
>> >>>12 = Genius
>> >>>10 - 11 = Above Normal
>> >>>7 - 9 = Normal
>> >>>4 - 6 = Slow
>> >>>1 - 3 = Idiot
>> >>>0 = Brain Dead
>
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