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Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Posted by Nick on 1 February 2000, 02:52 GMT

BlueCalx's Party(Reuters) CHICAGO, IL - To celebrate the otherwise meaningless revolution of the Earth about a mid-sized star, Nick Disabato held a "birthday party" for little to no reason this weekend.

For some outlandish reason, Nick felt a strange compelling to throw a party for a meaningless passage of time to occur on what people on Earth consider to be "February 1, 2000." When questioned about the matter, Nick replied, "It's my birthday. People throw parties on their birthday. It's called a birthday party."
Wow.
It's clearly apparent that Nick needs some sort of professional help.

When questioned about Nick's bout with insanity, theoretical physicist Alfred E. Neumann of the University of Chicago stated that "since all bodies travel at different speeds, whether it be the Earth or Alpha Centauri, time passes differently for each. As a result, it's logical to assume that time is merely an illusion to the viewer and that Nick Disabato must be committed to an insane asylum at once."

Ed Sim, a real-life acquaintance of Nick, agrees: "Nick is just [mess]ed up. I wouldn't trust him with anything, much less whether or not he feels he has the knowledge to determine whether or not his eighteenth 'birthday' has passed."

An average student at Maine South, Kate Ferraro, said, "It's Joey's birthday?! I HAVE TO GET HIM BALLOONS!*#&!(*#&!@)#" with the punctuation symbols and everything.
Doctors are investigating Park Ridge's water supply for signs of contamination.

 


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Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Rackford Smith  Account Info
(Web Page)

Well, happy birthday Nick. I only hope that you can like not hate me or something, since I never did threaten you.

--Racko

     1 February 2000, 22:15 GMT

Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Rgb9000  Account Info

<i,b,u>WHY DO FAKE NEW ITEMS GET MORE RESULTS THAN REAL NEW ITEMS???</i,/b,/u>

     1 February 2000, 22:33 GMT

Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
amicek  Account Info
(Web Page)

People like to reply to news items in red I guess. Oh well.

amicek

     2 February 2000, 00:23 GMT

Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
AlienCow  Account Info
(Web Page)

Take a look at the picture. There's a graphing calculator on the couch.. just out of view. :P

BTW, is that a pinball machine in your house, Nick?

     2 February 2000, 00:38 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Jake B
(Web Page)

AHH! you tricked me!

~Jake B

     2 February 2000, 02:23 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Nick Disabato  Account Info
(Web Page)

That's a pinball machine, but it's not my house. We're too cheap for luxuries like that. ;)

For a shot of the ceiling of my bedroom (and the AC vent all the way off to the left), go to http://nickd.org/nickd.jpg .

--BlueCalx

     2 February 2000, 02:46 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
AlienCow  Account Info
(Web Page)

LMAO (more IRC acronyms :P)

I looked at your webpage just before I read this, and had a pretty good time laughing at what you put (ahem, the stuff that was *supposed* to be funny - not the stories :)

BTW, these 'fake' newsitems really do get alot of replies - up to almost 90 now! lol

     2 February 2000, 22:42 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Nick Disabato  Account Info
(Web Page)

I think the Modest Proposal is posted at least thrice in every room that me, Sparky, DePilla, Som or Ed has a class or extracurricular in.
We're eccentric like that. :)

--BlueCalx

(BTW - Sparky is the author of the modest proposal and he's the one sitting next to me on that couch, looking like he's stoned or something.)

     7 February 2000, 04:25 GMT


Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Etec  Account Info
(Web Page)

Maby because real news articles usually have to do with only 1 or 2 calculators, while fake is completely universal, anyone will enter.

     4 February 2000, 01:25 GMT

Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
ZeroD

The bushes to the east begin to stir.
A storm is coming.
Hide, fools.
Hide.

- Flinn
Bringing it back on.

     3 February 2000, 22:57 GMT

Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
DavidH

You wake up to the sound of voices in the hall. You are confused for a moment; it's only 8 AM, far too early for anyone to be getting up. Then, it dawns on you: it's ditch day here at the fictitious California Institute of Technology in the mythical city of Pasadena, California. Ditch Day, that strange tradition wherein seniors bar their doors with various devices and underclassmen attempt to defeat these devices (for no other apparent reason than that the devices are there), has arrived.

Room 3
This is your room. You live a fairly austere life, being a poor college student. The only notable features are the bed (unmade, of course) and a small wooden desk. An exit is west.
You see a waste basket here.

>

     4 February 2000, 01:50 GMT


Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Elenmiir  Account Info
(Web Page)

> look in waste basket

Contained in the waste-basket is what one would expect -- crumpled scraps of failed theses, empty aluminum cylinders, their hollow shells once the cold, impersonal home of carbonated beverages, and the latest compilation of grade-marks.

> go west

[Hallway, Bohr Dormitory]
Sunlight filtered by the soiled windows paints the walls a dull shade of yellow; imperfections in the casting, moving about in the projected plane in manners reminiscient of classical Brownian motion, manifest interesting patterns on the wall. The hallway, and the adjacent rooms, are unusually tacit; you would expect to hear the electronically generated beeps of some esoteric video-game emenating from behind a door. To the north is the exit to the bottom floor; to the south is a corridor that stretches further into infinity, as if you were trapped within the solid crafted by some devious quartic.

Others in this room: none
Possible exits: north, south, east.

>

     4 February 2000, 07:19 GMT

Who's the guy on the left?
Zeromus Mog  Account Info
(Web Page)

G'haa! That's freaky! The guy on the left looks almost exactly like myself! Who is he?!

-Zero
President of Mogsoft, Inc.

     4 February 2000, 06:49 GMT


Re: Who's the guy on the left?
Nick Disabato  Account Info
(Web Page)

That is Sparky, a rl friend.
He wrote the modest proposal on nickd.org, among many other dramatic feats of superhuman courage.

Too numerous to mention, mind you :)

--BlueCalx

     7 February 2000, 04:27 GMT

Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Shane Smith  Account Info

No one cares about your birthday!
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHEN YOUR BIRTHDAY IS!

     4 February 2000, 20:39 GMT

Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Drew Blumfield  Account Info
(Web Page)

I got through about the first 20 comments and became more bored than I actually was before I read the first comment. What's that book about? Math Programming?

     4 February 2000, 22:37 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Nick Disabato  Account Info
(Web Page)

Fractals and chaos theory.
Nice webpage, btw :)

--BlueCalx

     7 February 2000, 06:30 GMT


Re: Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Matthew Hernandez  Account Info
(Web Page)

Geez, there is a time for everything! A time to rejoice, and a time to weep! This is a time to rejoice for Nick. Why do you have to be the sour patch kid and ruin everything?

Not much for singing happy birthday to people, so you get the coveted "HB" (Happy Birthday),

Matt H.

     6 February 2000, 03:54 GMT

Re: Nick Disabato Celebrates Meaningless Passage Of Time With Equally Meaningless "Birthday Party"
Aaron Stubbendieck  Account Info

Somebody has no life (not that anybody else who bothers to reply to this does either)

     10 February 2000, 23:15 GMT
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