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ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Posted by Nick & Phil on 1 January 2000, 01:02 GMT

Even though ticalc.org is just three and a half years old itself, we decided - during some of our more boring moments - that we should create a timeline that would predict all the crazy stuff to happen in the future. Without further ado, the staff of ticalc.org presents the next 100 years, and what might happen. :)

2001: ticalc.org releases v4.0 of its layout. Features include an elaborate JavaScript emulator.
2005: ticalc.org releases v5.0 of its layout. Features include calculator purchasing out of Nick Disabato's basement. Missy, Nick's dog, tinkles on the stash of TI-89's. Thousands of dollars lost.
2006: ticalc.org falls back on annoying banner advertisements to generate revenue. approximately $0.82 per month generated.
2010: Magnus Hagander snaps after having run ticalc.org for fourteen years, joins staff of ti-files.org.
2011: Chris becomes CEO of Industrial Light and Magic. CMU overjoyed.
2020: ticalc.org hires its 40th staff member, seven-year-old Andy Selle, Jr.
2021: TI open-sources its calculators. Assembly programmers have the chance of a lifetime. Programs churned out like never before.
2032: ticalc.org releases v6.0 of its layout. Banner ads eliminated after an angry mob storms Park Ridge, IL and burns Nick's house to the ground, taking his formerly for-sale calculators.
2039: Phil Genera grows three heads and approximately eighteen arms after he re-enacts the fake news item "7th Grade Student Overclocks His TI-89 A Bit Too Much." File adding speed increased tenfold. Backlogs are a thing of the past.
2045: Andy Selle retires ticalc.org after fifty years of service, cites not having purchased a calculator for forty-six years as one of the reasons.
2053: Nick finally, after amassing enough money, purchases every available linkable calculator. Nobody seems to care.
2060: Nick refers to the number of news items he has posted in scientific notation.
2062: ticalc.org releases v7.0 of its layout. Nothing's changed except for the minor technicality that http://www.ti.com/calc/ happens to be an exact mirror of ticalc.org and the copyright information is changed.
2065: TI releases the TI-2^34, completely open-sourced. Really, really good programs made. Again.
2071: Sweden swallowed into earth following gout of flame. ticalc.org automated mirror system springs into action, cracking whitehouse.gov and mirroring itself there.
2072: President is irked. Phil Genera, coder of the mirror system, flees to a cave in the Adironacks.
2080: ticalc.org releases v8.0 of its layout in honor of its archives surpassing 100,000 files, 93% of which contain the letters "quad" somewhere in the filename.
2082: TI decides to document the ROM calls on the TI-89. Within twenty-eight seconds, thousands of 8-grayscale assembly programs are submitted to ticalc.org. File archives double in size within the year. All quadform and otherwise redundant programs purged. Nick Disabato celebrates his 100th birthday.
2087: Nick celebrates his 105th birthday by attending his 5,000th rock/techno concert featuring the reunited frozen body of Michael Paradinas of u-Ziq. Total hearing loss achieved.
2091: ticalc.org releases v9.0 of its layout after Microsoft buys out TI (which has owned ticalc.org since 2062). ticalc.org converts to Windows 2090. Daily crashes.
2092: Nick Disabato retires ticalc.org and dotcomma.org. Receives no pension because working at ticalc.org doesn't count as a job you get paid for.
2100: ticalc.org releases v10.0 of its layout. Strapped for material, invents new dating system in which 2100 is really the year 10,000; announces The TI Eon Awards.

 


The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.


Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Justin B  Account Info
(Web Page)

It is the year 2000!!!!!

     1 January 2000, 06:22 GMT


Re: Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Philip Ringsmuth  Account Info
(Web Page)

My, my, what an observant little person we have here.

     2 January 2000, 04:19 GMT

Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
ASM

Why is Microsoft always predicted to take over everything?

     1 January 2000, 19:15 GMT


Re: Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Michael Brunner  Account Info
(Web Page)

Because of how Microsoft proved too much competition for Netscape. Netscape sued Microsoft for their lost profits, because Netscape Navigator once cost money. IE has always been free.
But why would Microsoft want to buy TI?

     1 January 2000, 20:36 GMT

Re: Re: Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Nick Disabato  Account Info
(Web Page)

Because TI owns SoftWarehouse, Inc. Microsoft wants to dominate as much of the software platform as possible.
Anyway, this is more reminiscent of the Simpsons episode when Homer opens up CompuGlobalHyperMegaNet and Gates decides to "buy him out." It's a good episode, IMO.

--BlueCalx

     1 January 2000, 20:50 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Matthew Hernandez  Account Info
(Web Page)

I didn't think he was allowed to buy out anyone else? I know I am probably wrong, but isn't that what the whole controversy was a little while back? I missed basically the entire, thing. So, don't call me stupid, just ignorant (which isn't stupidity, just not knowing something), because I don't truly know.

Matt H.

     1 January 2000, 23:42 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
AuroraBoriales  Account Info

Oh yeah, that was funny! But instead of giving him the money, Bill just ordered his boys to wreck the place. That otta show how evil and devious Bill Gates really is!

     3 January 2000, 04:39 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
Aggies07

If Bill Gates were smart, he'd buy AOL...

     6 January 2000, 01:22 GMT


Stupid!!
James Aguilar  Account Info

He already has.

     6 January 2000, 02:55 GMT


Re: Stupid!!
Nick Disabato  Account Info
(Web Page)

If that were the case, Netscape would be dead and Mozilla wouldn't have existed in the first place.
This isn't true. :p

--BlueCalx

     6 January 2000, 03:57 GMT


Re: Re: Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
grimbosh

So that they can own the IC and raise royalties to 99.99%. Gates makes another hundred billion and buys a small country. Renames it Gatea. Releases eGatea with Internet Explorer as an inextricable part. Then the anti-trust judgment comes in. Citizens of Gatea die of starvation.

     1 January 2000, 21:09 GMT

Re: ticalc.org: The Next 100 Years
KnightRT  Account Info

<sarcasm> HAHAHA! That's great! ROTFLOL! </sarcasm>

     2 January 2000, 02:54 GMT
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