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Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Posted by Michael on 8 May 2005, 07:59 GMT

[Windows 3.1 computer!]

Several days ago, members of the ticalc.org staff were perusing through the web server statistics as is frequently done. That's when we noticed the line in the Operating System Report: "Windows 3.1". At first glance, this seemed incredulous; no one uses Windows 3.1 anymore. Further research into the actual server logs revealed that indeed, in the past seven days a combination of Internet Explorer 5.0 and Windows 3.1 has requested 90 files from ticalc.org. Magnus Hagander immediately set out on the long and perilous quest to locate this machine.

Saturday morning, Magnus interviewed no less than one hundred and thirty-seven system administrators of various companies, based upon the IP address found in our logs. As of right now, eighty-five of them have been admitted to the hospital for coronary-related ailments. Through the global-spanning resources of the Swedish Mafia, the computer was traced to an "A. Nakranistik", a German hermit.

Mr. Nakranistik refused to answer any of the mafia's questions or to explain why he had visited ticalc.org. By means of a time-tested social ritual involving patellas and kinetic energy, he then changed his mind and consented to the photograph which you can find at the top of this article. From the timestamp on ticalc.org in the photo and the reddish tint of artificial lighting, it is apparent that Adolf Nakranistik is a distressed individual who checks ticalc.org at ungodly hours of the night. Also note the Paint Shop Pro icon in the corner of the screen. Mr. Nakranistik is believed to have used Paint Shop Pro to create his illicit photo collection - graphing calculators posing without wearing slide cases. He has since been taken to an undisclosed location for corrective therapy involving the forced consumption of surströmming and lutfisk.

As for the rest of the world, it can breathe easy as the Swedish Mafia has since turned the laptop over to Magnus. When asked what he planned to do with it, Magnus replied that he had already formatted the hard drive and installed the latest version of Slackware. Jonathan Katz also had comments about the situation: "Why didn't he just upgrade to Windows XP? It would have been far more sane and he would have spared all of this trouble." Joey Gannon, always the voice of diametrical viewpoints, said, "This wouldn't have happened if he was an MSDN Universal subscriber! I just bought my fifth copy of Windows Server 2003 the other day. He should have been continuously upgrading with every Microsoft release." Meanwhile, the usually effervescent Nick D merely screamed, "He should have used OS/2! OS/2 Warp I tell you!" In any case, this historic rediscovery of a 16-bit operating system is now behind us and ticalc.org looks forward to many years of 32-bit and 64-bit serving to come.

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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.


Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
DWedit  Account Info
(Web Page)

It looks like the laptop running Windows 3.1 has at least 16 bit color support, I rarely see Windows 3.1 with a powerful enough video card to support that!

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 23:37 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Andy Janata  Account Info
(Web Page)

My first "real" computer came with Win3.11 and an upgrade to Win95 when it was released... It had 1 MB of VRAM, so it supported 16bit color at a low-ish resolution...

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 00:46 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Ed Fry  Account Info
(Web Page)

I should start posting pictures of Project Dinosaur Browsing Ticalc.org

Project Dinosaur was A friend's challenge that I couldn't do anything with an 8088 anymore. Not only did I do something with a Zenith Transnote 8mhz 8088 machine, but I put it online with E-mail and Internet from a Dos Based Browser. It even Runs Win 3.0.

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 02:10 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

ticalc.org isn't too fun from DOS... (see Web Page link) ;-)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 03:18 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Chris Williams  Account Info

Ah, I see you've got Lynx for DOS! How fun!

I personally prefer Links (or ELinks) over Lynx, though.

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 05:57 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

Links is a trifle flashy for my tastes ;-)
I recently tried to see how many levels I could build up between me and a browser, and ended up running Lynx on a remote Linux server using PuTTY. PuTTY was running on Windows 2000, which itself was itself running inside MS Virtual PC. That was running on Windows XP.

It's the only way to surf!

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 06:08 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Chris Williams  Account Info

I'm thinking of writing a terminal emulator for my Commodore 64, then I can hook it up to the serial port of a PC (I haven't figured this part out yet), to which I can then redirect Links or Lynx! Then I can surf from my C64 at a glorious 40 x 25 characters!

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 21:14 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
vandykee Account Info

I miss fun things like QBASIC and MEMMAKER.EXE

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 08:11 GMT

Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

I wouldn't exactly call MEMMAKER a lot of fun ;-)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 08:31 GMT

Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Bigfoot2  Account Info

QBasic was cool. remember the game where u throw a banana at the other gorrila? there is a ver'n in the archives...

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 14:27 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

IBM Gorillas. A true gaming classic!

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 15:59 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
no_one_2000_  Account Info
(Web Page)

I love that game! I made my own version for my Physics class (only with tanks). QBASIC is oldschool.

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 20:34 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

Yeah, I would play that all the time when I was 5 or 6, and then have a lot of fun writing really crappy programs in QBASIC...

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 18:36 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

I didn't care for Gorillas as much, but I played Nibbles a lot. I was rather annoyed at the scoring display bug that put commas in the wrong places. You'd think Micrsoft's QBASIC developers would know how to use a PRINT USING statement.

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 22:35 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Chris Williams  Account Info

I don't think I ever saw that bug, but there is a bug that causes the program to have a division by zero error when I ran it on modern hardware. The speed loop goes so quickly that the timer doesn't even increment at all, so dividing by that difference (0) causes it to bomb. I just had to increase the delay loop by a few orders of magnitude and adjust the calculation line the same way.

I don't understand why it needs a speed test. It could just as easily do something like

SUB delay(t)
start = timer
WHILE timer < start + t: WEND
END SUB

to get a delay regardless of the speed of the machine. Maybe I'll take a look at the program again to see why it does the speed test.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 00:05 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

I think I remember that, because I made a game that used a very similar delay calibration loop and got a division by zero error when trying on a (then) modern computer.

The problem with TIMER (if I remember correctly) is that the "resolution" is limited. I think it gave a couple of decimal places, but in my tests, it wasn't all that precise sometimes for very small delays, so I had to use a delay loop instead.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 23:13 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Chris Williams  Account Info

That's what I kind of figured... though the speed test should wait for the timer to increase before it ends, then it can be sure it doesn't divide by zero.

Of course, the DBZ problem was almost unthinkable back then.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 23:21 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

You could probably get really advanced and use ON ERROR code to handle the error and try a longer speed loop.

Or probably better (if I'm thinking this through right), use a particular amount of time (x seconds every time) and see how many times a variable can be incremented in that time. Unless the variable overflows, that shouldn't be a problem, I don't think.

Another small problem with TIMER is that it resets at midnight, so if you were running a loop on the switch-over it would throw the program into an infinite loop. I had a BASIC book that had a TIMER delay routine that took this problem into account (I don't remember how, though), and I always used it in programs using TIMER.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 23:43 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

*benryves invokes the evil spell ON ERROR RESUME NEXT*

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 23:45 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

I never found the ON ERROR stuff very useful because it acts more like a GOTO. I like the Try...Else...Endtry implementation better.

Reply to this comment    16 May 2005, 18:33 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Travis Evans  Account Info

I did a lot of messing around with QBASIC, since I didn't really have much useful software at all. Sometimes I had to make my own (nothing fancy, though, since I didn't have that much programming experience at the time.)

I even ran MEMMAKER once or twice. I don't remember why, but it wasn't always a lot of fun. :-)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 22:33 GMT

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