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Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Posted by Michael on 8 May 2005, 07:59 GMT

[Windows 3.1 computer!]

Several days ago, members of the ticalc.org staff were perusing through the web server statistics as is frequently done. That's when we noticed the line in the Operating System Report: "Windows 3.1". At first glance, this seemed incredulous; no one uses Windows 3.1 anymore. Further research into the actual server logs revealed that indeed, in the past seven days a combination of Internet Explorer 5.0 and Windows 3.1 has requested 90 files from ticalc.org. Magnus Hagander immediately set out on the long and perilous quest to locate this machine.

Saturday morning, Magnus interviewed no less than one hundred and thirty-seven system administrators of various companies, based upon the IP address found in our logs. As of right now, eighty-five of them have been admitted to the hospital for coronary-related ailments. Through the global-spanning resources of the Swedish Mafia, the computer was traced to an "A. Nakranistik", a German hermit.

Mr. Nakranistik refused to answer any of the mafia's questions or to explain why he had visited ticalc.org. By means of a time-tested social ritual involving patellas and kinetic energy, he then changed his mind and consented to the photograph which you can find at the top of this article. From the timestamp on ticalc.org in the photo and the reddish tint of artificial lighting, it is apparent that Adolf Nakranistik is a distressed individual who checks ticalc.org at ungodly hours of the night. Also note the Paint Shop Pro icon in the corner of the screen. Mr. Nakranistik is believed to have used Paint Shop Pro to create his illicit photo collection - graphing calculators posing without wearing slide cases. He has since been taken to an undisclosed location for corrective therapy involving the forced consumption of surströmming and lutfisk.

As for the rest of the world, it can breathe easy as the Swedish Mafia has since turned the laptop over to Magnus. When asked what he planned to do with it, Magnus replied that he had already formatted the hard drive and installed the latest version of Slackware. Jonathan Katz also had comments about the situation: "Why didn't he just upgrade to Windows XP? It would have been far more sane and he would have spared all of this trouble." Joey Gannon, always the voice of diametrical viewpoints, said, "This wouldn't have happened if he was an MSDN Universal subscriber! I just bought my fifth copy of Windows Server 2003 the other day. He should have been continuously upgrading with every Microsoft release." Meanwhile, the usually effervescent Nick D merely screamed, "He should have used OS/2! OS/2 Warp I tell you!" In any case, this historic rediscovery of a 16-bit operating system is now behind us and ticalc.org looks forward to many years of 32-bit and 64-bit serving to come.

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The comments below are written by ticalc.org visitors. Their views are not necessarily those of ticalc.org, and ticalc.org takes no responsibility for their content.


Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Jonathan Pezzino  Account Info
(Web Page)

Sadly, I'd rather have Windows 3.1 at my school than the eMacs run OSX....they're hideously poor machines.

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 16:28 GMT

Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Shawn Zhang  Account Info

Sadly, I agree... Although, if I did have a set of Linux installers, I would reformat all the PCs at my school.

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 20:16 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

Hmm. I'd hate to have to agree, but when I've used OSX I've found the interface horribly inconsistent. I guess this is why Linux-based operating systems haven't really taken off either - the interface is too inconsistent. After all, the job of an HCI is to make the computer easy to use... Maybe Mac OSX is consistent, but I found it weird as it's radically different to the other GUIs I've used (Windows, RISC OS, BeOS). RISC OS still remains my all-time favourite interface, in any case. :-)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 03:02 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Reno  Account Info

Well, HCI is about making the system easier to use, indeed. But from how your comment was typed, it sounds like MacOS is inconsistent only because it does not follow assumptions you've made based on previous knowledge with other OSes...which one can say is a case against, but, then again, that can be reversed and used against *insert another interface* easily.

While I agree there are some usability issues with MacOS (the most blaring example - the trashcan acts as a place to delete files, a place to unmount volumes, AND to burn CDs?) you have to remember that usability engineering also includes making it easier to get your work done once you've learned the system enough. It isn't JUST about lowering learning curves, especially if doing so takes away from the ability for a seasoned user to get work done faster and easier in the long run. I think that's what Jeff Raskin was always clammoring about...

Because of this, seasoned Mac vets can't be bothered to relearn the OS for switchers...if you give the OS more time, though, you learn that at the very least it is more consistent in behavior than Windows (the ever-changing meanings of alt+f4 vs ctrl+w for example) or most of the Linux window managers out there...

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 05:04 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Brian Gordon  Account Info

yes PC's are extremely complicated and you pretty much have to rememorize the keyboard for every "nonstandard" application, but once you've mastered it it's no big deal.

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 20:54 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
PGK Account Info

In KDE and Gnome, you can usually change key bindings and functions. For example, Alt+F6 closes windows instead of Alt+F4 because the F4 and F5 keys on my laptop are dead. I am not aware if you can do this in Windows.

Reply to this comment    30 May 2005, 20:23 GMT


Mac Consitently
CajunLuke  Account Info
(Web Page)

Actually, Mac OS X is more consistent from program to program than almost any other OS. Apple made the UI Interface Guidelines (PDF format) so that everything would be the same across the board, from program and file icons to buttons to custom widgets. They also make it very easy to keep everything consistent by doing a lot of work for you (on my Mac, I can write a decent Web browser with no lines of code and implement unlimited undo/redo with three lines of code).

Windows had a bunch of disrepancies from program to program (simply because Microsoft hasn't put the trouble into making it easy to make it consistent), and I know nothing about Linux.

As a third point, Macs are easier - and faster - to use simply from the vantage of Fitt's Law. The menu bar is at the top of the screen, so you only have to worry about horizontal cursor positioning, as it has infinite height.

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 17:39 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Jason Malinowski  Account Info
(Web Page)

Or, why not run Wacky Fun Random Numbar Generator Operating System (see link)? :-)

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 16:53 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Peter Wakefield  Account Info

I've still got that on a floppy disk somewhere around my room...

Ah, I found the IRC discussion leading to WFRNGOS's creation!

Mon Aug 09 2004

<Michael_V> I think x86 ASM would be fun
<JMan> It's quite interesting.
<JMan> There are actually mutiplication and division instructions. :-P
<Michael_V> nice
<JMan> And all sorts of fancy prefixes and such
<JMan> And you can do things like mov eax, [ebx + 4 * ecx + 2]
<Michael_V> interesting
<Michael_V> We should port Phoenix to x86 ASM
<Michael_V> in CGA
<Michael_V> 320x200
<JMan> Clearly not phoneix.
<JMan> Do WACKY FUN RANDOM NUMBAR GENERATOR
<Michael_V> oooooooh
* Michael_V wonders how hard it is to generate pseudorandom numbers in x86

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 17:12 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Jason Malinowski  Account Info

Oh goodness. Was it me who gave him the idea? Perhaps I should be more careful when giving ideas in the future (or not)

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 17:16 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
anykey  Account Info
(Web Page)

So it was you!
*calls in geek mafia*

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 18:07 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Patrick Davidson  Account Info
(Web Page)

Of course there already is an x86 version of Platinum Ediiton ... for the Casio calculators :)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 00:51 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Magnus Hagander  Account Info
(Web Page)

To set the record straight, I *am* a MSDN Universal subscriber.

Doesn't keep me from preferring slackware on this particular box though.

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 17:29 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Jonathan Katz  Account Info
(Web Page)

Hurrah!

And apparently I have Slackware 4.0 CDs in my room. Perhaps it's not as old as Win3.1, but it is starting to age :)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 18:15 GMT

Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
anykey  Account Info
(Web Page)

You had control of this laptop and didn't install linux and FireFox?
What's wrong with you people?!

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 18:05 GMT


Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Ben Cherry  Account Info
(Web Page)

The article states that Magnus immediately installed Slackware on it...

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 18:44 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Jason Malinowski  Account Info

He could have then installed Firefox on that. :-)

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 19:21 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Shawn Zhang  Account Info

Firefox sucks, Telnet forever!

Reply to this comment    8 May 2005, 20:17 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Jason Malinowski  Account Info

Telnet? Bah. Instead, get complete control over your network card and manually craft the ethernet frames!

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 02:06 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Chris Williams  Account Info

netcat forever!

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 05:51 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
vandykee Account Info

lynx!

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 08:08 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Brian Gordon  Account Info

wacky random numbar browser :p

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 20:56 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Matt M Account Info

IE 6 with multiple security holes and patches!! :)

Reply to this comment    9 May 2005, 22:07 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

Or just IE6SP2. Tightest browser I've used that isn't crippled!

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 03:44 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Brian Gordon  Account Info

IEsp2 is tight as a drum... annoyingly so:

IE has blocked a possibly malicious download!
*unblock*
Do you want to download?
*yes*
IE does not recommend opening files.
*too bad*
Are you sure you want to open this file? Click cancel to stop the open or details to learn why.
*where's the open button?*

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 20:57 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
benryves  Account Info
(Web Page)

Haha, exactly. However, it's a problem - otherwise people end up blaming malware on the browser, rather than themselves for clicking "yes" on "Would you like to install MY SUPERKOOL PASSWORD STEALING FREEE SCREENSAVER TOOLABR OMGLOL!!!!2.10004".

Browser security is one thing - stupid users is another!

Reply to this comment    10 May 2005, 23:44 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

...just like when idiots light some product on fire and shove it down their throat, then sue the company that made it for not 1.) putting in safety measures that prevent them from doing it, 2.) adding a warning label that says not to, or 3.) both.

Reply to this comment    16 May 2005, 20:57 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

Actually, I sort of like opening Telnet terminal programs on port 80 and typing the HTTP commands like "GET" by hand...

Reply to this comment    12 May 2005, 20:59 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
anykey  Account Info
(Web Page)

I like opening the python shell and typing:
import urllib
data = urllib.urlopen ("http://www.ticalc.org")
print data.read()

The best part is imagining how the html looks rendered.

Reply to this comment    12 May 2005, 22:18 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
Chris Williams  Account Info

netcat is like Telnet, but it waits for the remote end to close the connection before it exits (so it can be used in scripts easily), and it separates all error/warning and information messages from the network data stream (i.e., it writes messages to stderr and the net data on stdout). Telnet mixes messages in with standard out, so it can't be used to transfer arbitrary data across a network.

I also can do the following:

(echo GET / HTTP/1.1; echo Host: www.ticalc.org; echo User-Agent: All your base are belong to us; echo Connection: close; echo) | netcat www.ticalc.org http

With telnet it doesn't work, because it doesn't wait for the remote end to close the connection, so the response doesn't seem to come.

Try that with slashdot.org and look at the headers in the response! (You can replace GET with HEAD for that)

Reply to this comment    12 May 2005, 22:47 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Last Windows 3.1 Computer Located
burntfuse  Account Info
(Web Page)

Strange, it used to work fine in Telnet for me...but not anymore...I'm confused. :-[

Reply to this comment    14 May 2005, 17:00 GMT

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