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Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
Posted by Michael on 13 January 2004, 22:41 GMT

We are sorry to report that Joey Gannon, our hard-working file archiver, has been seen participating in the notorious RPN cult. This is the same group that is infamous for the Sliderule Massacres of '71. Oaths of secrecy prevent information from disseminating to the public, but the mystical letters RPN are rumored to stand for Really Poor Notation, though this is unconfirmed. Members have been known to do odd things in the name of Al-Gebra, their sacred way of math.

No one knows why he may have done this. One psychologist we interviewed stated, "There are many reasons why an individual would suddenly dissociate from previous beliefs." He was not of much help. Our other file archiver, Morgan, experienced no signs of mental distress, commenting: "What did Joey do!? WHAT??? He always seemed like such a good kid!"

ticalc.org readers in Maine have written to report seeing Joey dressed in black robes and performing a calculator sacrifice. His only comment was, "Oportet ministros manus lavare antequam latrinam relinquent. When I burn the calculator, my world becomes the calculator. I must go find a Voyage 200 now so that my long journey to enlightenment may begin."

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They are coming...
BullFrog  Account Info
(Web Page)

- Weapons of Math Instruction -

At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual later discovered to be a public school teacher was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a protractor, a T-square, a slide rule, and a calculator.

At a morning press conference, Attorney general John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious Al-gebra movement. The man is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.

"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search for absolute value. They use secret code names like x and y and refer to themselves as unknowns, but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, there are 3 sides to every triangle," Ashcroft declared.

When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes. I am gratified that our government has given us a sine that it is intent on protracting us from these math-dogs who are willing to dis-integrate us with calculus disregard. Murky statisticians love to inflict plane on every sphere of influence," the President said, adding: "Under the circumferences, we must differentiate their root, make our point, and draw the line."

President Bush warned, "These weapons of math instruction have the potential to decimal everything in their math on a scalene never before seen unless we become exponents of a Higher Power and begin to factor-in random facts of vertex."

Attorney General Ashcroft said, "As our Great Leader would say, read my ellipse. Here is one principle he is uncertainty of: though they continue to multiply, their days are numbered as the hypotenuse tightens around their necks."

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 01:46 GMT

Re: They are coming...
Ti-89_Coder Account Info

LOL!

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 01:53 GMT

Re: They are coming...
mindstorm23 Account Info

That would be funnier (more funny? I don't tink it matters anymore) if my math teacher didn't make so many math puns in the first place. Maybe I should send this to him, but chances are he's already seen it.

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 02:00 GMT

Re: They are coming...
Matthew Marshall  Account Info
(Web Page)

That looks rather long... was the 100 word (or whatever it was) limit lifted?

MWM

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 15:47 GMT


Re: Re: They are coming...
no_one_2000_  Account Info
(Web Page)

I don't think so...

Hey, that was funny. :) Did you make that up yourself?

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 21:30 GMT


Re: Re: Re: They are coming...
BullFrog  Account Info
(Web Page)

Me? No. Searched google for "weapons of math instruction."

Reply to this comment    15 January 2004, 22:22 GMT


¤
burntfuse  Account Info

LOL!!! That's pretty good....

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 22:21 GMT

Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
DWedit  Account Info
(Web Page)

We need Link to stop Gannon! Get the triforce!

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 02:42 GMT

Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
Brigham Diaz  Account Info

It's too late! In seven years Gannon will have sent his minions to destroy every TI Calculator created and replaced with a Casio.

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 02:54 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
Konrad Meyer  Account Info
(Web Page)

link,
he come to town,
come to save,
the princess zelda,
ganon took her away,
and now the children dont play,
until, link save the day!
halelujah!!!

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 03:53 GMT


Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
no_one_2000_  Account Info
(Web Page)

LOL! I never noticed that the bad guy in the Zelda games was Joey's last name.

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 21:31 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
mindstorm23 Account Info

Actually, I believe the Zelda series' villain is named "Ganon," or in some cases, "Ganondorf."

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 22:26 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
DWedit  Account Info
(Web Page)

Except in Zelda 1, it's spelled with 2 N's there.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2004, 09:59 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
Memwaster  Account Info

They sacrificed the extra 'n' in favor of getting better graphics...

Reply to this comment    15 January 2004, 11:23 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
no_one_2000_  Account Info
(Web Page)

YEah it is. I have the NES game.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2004, 21:20 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
Joey Gannon  Account Info
(Web Page)

Hm, I'd never noticed either... perhaps because Zelda is one of the only two video games I won't play, the other being Final Fantasy. (Tetris used to be on this list, but I fell in love with Queue for the 89 in math one day, and now I'm hooked.)

Reply to this comment    16 January 2004, 03:22 GMT

Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
Memwaster  Account Info

he sould really find a voyage 400...

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 04:40 GMT


Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
BullFrog  Account Info
(Web Page)

I think that'd burn pretty good...

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 04:43 GMT

Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
TrumpetMan258  Account Info

If it existed...

-TrumpetMan

Reply to this comment    14 January 2004, 17:53 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
angelboy Account Info
(Web Page)

...which it does!

Reply to this comment    15 January 2004, 19:36 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
BullFrog  Account Info
(Web Page)

Don't you even think about starting that up again.

Reply to this comment    15 January 2004, 22:28 GMT


Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Joey Gannon Joins the Dark Side
Michael O'Brien  Account Info
(Web Page)

Again? He never let it die!

Reply to this comment    16 January 2004, 04:55 GMT


~!@#$%^&*()_+
ti_is_good_++  Account Info

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Reply to this comment    15 January 2004, 04:20 GMT

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